Gotta be startin' something.

I used to be a writer. I used to write in a journal. I have a large suitcase full of old diaries (journals) all of which are written through. Starting a new journal felt really great. The first page seemed important -- it had to look good. The act of writing was a craft; the actual print itself. I had a friend who was older than I was and I worked hard to emulate her writing style. Long, elegant, looping letters -- printed loops. No one I know but my grandparents still write cursive well. I can write like my husband, like my friends. I don't really know what my print looks like anymore. It was always about simulating other people's styles. That's ok. I follow patterns. That's how it plays out now. Now I knit. If I find a sweater I must knit, then by god it's even going to be knit in the same color. I was never good an improvising. I played music for a long time in elementary and high school, but never learned to jam. I had opportunity, but felt best just playing the notes. So how I am here is how I am there etc. Starting this blog is my reinvention of an audience. It's very disconcerting to have an audience. Ask Gertrude Stein. I've never known what it's like to have an audience as a writer. I have reams of words but no readers. That's what I like about knitting, and now sewing and maybe if I can learn to improvise, design. People see what you do. You don't have to beg them to read anything. You don't have to sob at the injustice when your brothers read your diaries with their friends. You can adjust your hat, and it's really your hat.